The Manager's Guide to Difficult Conversations at Work

Difficult conversations cover underperformance, behaviour that affects the team and missed expectations. Managers often delay them.

The cost of delay usually grows. Problems persist, trust erodes and the team notices.

The worry is understandable. The relationship might suffer, the person might react badly or you might be wrong.

Why they feel hard

Stone, Patton and Heen describe three conversations happening at once:

• What happened. The facts, and who did what.
• Feelings. Emotions both people bring, often unspoken.
• Identity. What the conversation says about who we are.

The identity conversation drives much avoidance. Feedback on output can feel like a verdict on competence. Giving it raises doubts too: am I being fair?

Set the conditions

Make it safe. People who feel attacked defend or shut down. Stay calm, be curious and frame the conversation as solving a problem together.

Edmondson's research shows psychological safety lets people speak openly about problems and mistakes.

Check your intent. People notice when a question is really a verdict. Go in curious about their experience, and hold your view as a view.

Name feelings. Lieberman and colleagues found that putting feelings into words reduced activity in the brain's threat response. Saying "this feels uncomfortable" can lower the temperature.

Use a clear structure

The Centre for Creative Leadership's Situation, Behaviour, Impact model keeps the message specific.

Situation. "In the client meeting last Tuesday" works better than "recently".

Behaviour. Describe what you saw or heard. "You interrupted the client three times" is discussable. "You were rude" invites defence.

Impact. Describe the effect as you saw it. "The client became less engaged and we missed the feedback we needed."

This separates facts from interpretation and consequence.

After you have said it

Invite their view. Ask "How did you see it?" You may have missed something, and their part in the solution matters.

Agree what changes. Be specific about what, by when and what good looks like.

Follow up. Notice improvement and say so. Raise it again if nothing changes.

Conversations about AI

Some of the hardest conversations now concern AI. The APA's 2026 Work in America survey found 48% of workers worry AI could make some or all of their duties obsolete.

People may also hide how they use AI or doubt their own skills. The CIPD's 2026 Good Work Index found two-thirds of employees had no AI training.

Hold these conversations openly. Acknowledge uncertainty and avoid promises you cannot keep. Making AI discussable helps people take on the change. That is Adoption.

Try this

Pick one conversation you have been avoiding. Write down what you fear, then the cost of not having it. Plan it with Situation, Behaviour, Impact and schedule it this week.

Then take the free Conflict Diagnosis Tool.